Thursday, August 14, 2014

Remembering Robin Williams or How I Learned to Cry through the Laughs.

O Mork from Ork! Your fearful trip is done. You tried to weather every storm. But you, the most seemingly mightiest of ships can splinter apart. Either way, you are free now. That’s what Robin Williams has been from the start, a man weathering the storm. From a man performing for a crowd, to an alien studying Earthlings, to a teaching trying to open minds in a closed world, to a genie wanting to be free, or a father willing to do anything to see his kids, and on and on and on. Every role Robin Williams gave us was always one man struggling, suffering, against something or for something. Throughout much of it comedy was always present, from its lightest or most family friendly to its raunchiest or darkest. It would connect with us on some level, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

Genie, my Genie! You made me rise up and hear the bells. Williams was always connected to me and quite literally from day one. While I was being born, as my mother loves to famously tell anyone, the show TV show “Mork & Mindy” was on. So, it’s rather funny to imagine that Robin Williams could have possibly been one of the first humans I came in contact with when I greeted the world, crying out in shock and a little fear. Some say that confluence helped set the tone for my continued, and at times too strong, sense of humor. As the years went on, ever feeling the outsider, I would use humor to connect with others, hoping for a few moments without fear. In my teens the movie “Aladdin” struck modern culture like a tidal wave. I was not immune to the all-ages fun and adventure, and that wild Genie we all wished were our best friend. I didn’t want the beautiful princess or the treasures. Oh no! Such things were either far off or out of reach. Who doesn’t want a magic genie with supreme comedic improv skills as a pal? I committed the lines. I mastered the voices (such as they were). This led to me to do more impressions, no matter the quality, using class mates as a willing, or unwilling, test audience. Around the same time, my early teen years, I entered a rite of passage, conducted by father. I was now old enough for him to share a few restrained anecdotes from Robin Williams’ so very raunchy standup. Sometimes, if he was feeling particularly bold, he would show me a clip or two on a worn out VHS tape. What did it all mean?!?! I knew just enough to be dangerous; enough to not make my dad feel like his sacrifice was in vain. We were bonded in our defiance against my mother. The next few years I would continue different sorts of defiance, against loneliness, bullying, hormones, finding my place; using humor forged in the fires of the Robin, Saturday Night Live and the like. It became my shield and sword to help me get through a very tortuous and tumultuous time. Behind all the laughter were tears and so much pain. I kept going and going and going, trying to laugh, by myself or with others, hoping it would all go away. Some of it did go away. Some of it changed. And some of it was handled different. I was growing up, it wasn’t all about laughing, and that was but one part of the larger verse.

O Mr. Keating, My Captain. You do not answer with a barbaric YAWP.  In my latter high-school days I struggled to find ME. It was evident to many I had a passion for stories, reading them, telling them, hearing them; as long as it was good. I also found that writing was a neat thing to do. You can write anything, preferably well, and people can get a sense of you, without having to actually speak to them face-to-face. For someone with immense stage fright, nervous in front of crowds (are there any worse than a group of high-school students?) I would definitely take advantage of this. Naturally I was rather fond of my English courses, able to express myself without really having to speak much (for a bit anyway. Many assignments involved the paralyzing task of presentation before the class). Just as this world was starting to open, thanks to my own, female version of Mr. Keating, one Mrs. Herring, I was introduced to “Dead Poet’s Society.” Many other students had already seen it, some liked it, while others were dismissive in their too-cool-to-care way. I was late bloomer in this regard, as well. What was this movie?!? A bunch of dead, uptight writers hanging out? No, I was introduced to a group of students trying to find themselves and make sense of their world. Thankfully, they had a brilliant, caring, slightly unorthodox teacher to help open the door to the possibilities for them to explore for themselves. Something else I could relate to. Many important lessons I was being taught, and would be taught, crystalized in that movie; find YOUR voice, words have meaning, poetry and beauty and romance are what we live for, and we all may contribute a verse to this wild play of life. To say this movie opened my eyes is a vast understatement. Nearly 20 years later I am still feeling the impact and finding new meanings throughout. This was the first dramatic role I had seen Robin Williams play; to this point I was only familiar with his zany slapstick comedy persona. Here there was still some comedy in the drama, but it was of a different sort; more subdued, far cleverer with wit and sarcasm. Slapstick will get people’s attention, and you might have them for a brief time, but to be clever and witty, that might get people to listen. And I so very much wanted to be heard. I had a YAWP ready to burst free. It’s even come out on occasion. Be mindful, you might catch a very exclusive performance….somewhere…someday. Anyone can make noise. It’s the hard task of crafting thoughts into words, then into ideas that can truly make others pay attention, and in rare cases change a world. My love of language, literature and performing (though I don’t do it, much to my chagrin) still burns to this day. My witty, sarcastic sense of humor persists (much to the chagrin of others, I’m sure) and will continue for a long time. Oh how that humor has saved me, so many times. I won’t get into how it’s also got me into trouble a few times, that’s another story for another day. Life can be full of pain, it’s undeniable. A person’s reaction is the key. Sometimes there’s nothing else to do but laugh it out, laugh at it, laugh near it, or around it. Whether it comes from within you or someone else, that laughter can bring some respite, a bit of peace, so the pain isn’t so hard to bear. I’m also a fan of laughing at the pain, in defiance, as if to say “screw off, you do not control me.”

However, Robin Williams couldn’t laugh any longer, he had no more strength, the pain was too much. I won’t debate his choice here, that’s for another time and for other people. I will say that I have a very small inkling of the power in that dark abyss. So, now more than ever, I will keep on laughing, I will look for the humor, I will keep seeking beauty wherever I can, and find my voice, maybe even letting my YAWP out once in a while. Robin Williams contributed so many verses, many of which I have adapted into my own, to better contribute to the play.

I feel a bit daring.

O CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!

 

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Slightly pretentious, yet clever, blog title about the importance of reading Or how I learned to take my leave of mental stagnation


All the way back to my earliest memories I remember reading. I have been ever since. Hopefully, I won’t stop until I stop breathing. Sure all kids have adults of some kind read to them at various points during their formative years. We need to, don’t we? Whether to impart information or to provide entertainment/distraction to an unsettled minda book can be a wonderful key, a mental pacifier to bring some order and peace to the chaos of child. But it is those special children that seek out to read all on their own. Yes, I was one of those kids! One of my earliest, and fondest, memories is being given a box of Star Trek paperbacks from my dad when I was around seven or eight. Most of the books were his; others I think were given to him by friends, etc. This was how the addiction began in earnest. He hoped I’d be interested because it’s Star Trek, not so much that he wanted to turn me into a “bookworm.” This was something more to keep me occupied and out of my parents’ way during the long summer. That was alright with me, this was a win-win scenario. Not only did search through them to find stories of interest but I actually chose to read these books rather than doing other activities presented to me. That’s the thing, choice. I made a choice to keep reading and expanding my mind and improving myself. From a handful of Star Trek books? You bet! I firmly believe it doesn’t matter what you read, as long as you read. It’s even better if it’s a story that stokes the fires of your imagination, through which all is possible (or I’d like to hope so). Neil Gaiman (my favorite living author) wrote of such things in a recent article for the Guardian. He mentions that imagination and reading are so vital to our survival.
However, that isn’t the main theme. He goes on to tell how necessary libraries are to human civilization. Oh how true! Oh how wonderfully elemental! Of course, he writes it all in such a magnificent way. So rather than merely echo his thoughts, which I agree with 100%, even though I didn’t know it yet, I will tell my story of how important libraries are to me.
They are like the temples of old; a sanctuary with priests to guide you through the tomes of knowledge and a hub for the community. This was never more true for me than when I was at my most vulnerable, most awkward; as a teenager! During middle school & high school I found any excuse I could to seek refuge from bullies or anyone who might hassle me. Why not expand my mind while I'm there? However, I usually had to charm my way in with the ever patient librarians. I suspect  now that it was less my charm and more about their susceptibility to my utter pitiable existence. Regardless, I thank them for allowing in outside normally accepted times and for attempting to answer whatever imagination fueled, mental tangent line of questions I threw at them. 
I would not be the person I am today if not for the books and the libraries I became both and found within. The multiverse of worlds I found within books, guided by those Dewey decimal shamans, are always with me. 

Monday, May 6, 2013

who, who, who let the dogs out? Or how my Spring is sprung

Am I reading too much? Possibly. I've read 29 of my 30 book goal I set for myself this year. It is only May. YIKES! Does it help that I have a part-time job that allows me to read? Absolutely. Does it help to have a full-time job which has atrophied to shadow of its former self, allowing for downtime between tasks? Yes it certainly does. I do my work then read when finished. Another possible help might be that as an introvert I'm more comfortable just chilling with a book, on the couch at home or tucked away in a corner at a coffee shop (thanks Katie!!) So, as I'm making my way thru the collection of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which contains all five books of the inaccurately named trilogy, I do need a break from time to time, inbetween volumes. The solution has been to read shorter lenght books/novellas. It's worked well so far as I've been reading books that haven't been "on my radar" lately.
I just finished Red Pony by Steinbeck
The Red Pony



After that I read
The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

Now, I'm going back to the well, so to speak. Refreshing my love of literature by reading the Holmes novel I have not read. The Hounds of the Baskervilles!
The Hound of the Baskervilles: Another Adventure of Sherlock Holmes

What better way to commerate the right & proper coming of Spring (that winter stuff doesn't count!) than reading books about; a boy on the farm with his pony, a china rabbit on an extraordinary journey of love and discover and a classic mystery of a supernatural curse as deduced by Sherlock Holmes. Errr....right? yeah Spring.
Spring seems to excite the reading bug in me. I don't fight it. I'm down with the sickness. I hope to spend plenty of time at a park (with not too many people of course) with books and Katie. The two best things my soul needs to be refreshed & renewed. LET'S GO!

Monday, December 17, 2012

One voice....or how apathy is rotting us from the inside out

I am one man. I have no power, influence, great wealth or popularity; only my thoughts, my words, trying to cut through the darkness of these days. But isn't that all any of us can do at the end of the day. One voice, one person is not able to change anything. I would say you are wrong. One voice plus one more and another and another.... It is like a stick, one stick can bend & break, but if you bring enough sticks together then they can become near unbreakable. That is our strength, working together, forming a community. That does not happen much anymore, does it? Ask yourself, do you know all your neighbors? Do you invite each other over? Do you know your kids' teachers?
Somewhere along the way many of us stopped caring, stopped being involved with the community, closed off, so we can worry about our own interests and rarely about others, often until it is too late. I am not speaking of invading anyone privacy, just plain civility & decency when dealing with one another. One of the greatest strengths we humans have is our ability to form communities, whether based on geography, religion, similarities, political views; that support of others helps provide a buttress thru life. Right now, there are far too few and those few are crumbling.
However, that doesn't mean the house is destroyed. It can still be repaired. How can something seemingly so complex, so insurmountable, be fixed? Look to Mr. Occam. It's so simple one wonders why we haven't done it....yet. We just need to talk to each other. Start a conversation....about anything, as long as we are having a dialog. We have to build bonds with each other, watch out for each other. We can't do it all ourselves, we need each other.  Then we trouble starts we can help one another thru it. Or if, worse case scenario, we can be there to help each other deal with the aftermath. There is a solution if we want it.
How bad do you want it? Ask yourself if we can continue down this path of violence, devastating loss & unending grief. It is never too late to turn it around. The answer is not without, the answer is within. All of us. Just imagine if we all tried. Think of what we could accomplish....together.
 

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

When you wish upon a star in a galaxy far, far away

Sometimes two very singular things meet in this crazy universe and a good thing happens. Other times, nothing happens and they pass in the night. Or they can repell each other. But once in a while those two can merge, forming a solid partnership, building on one another's strengths and supporting against each other's weaknesses. Each will bring different view points to this partnetship, adding unique perspectives and opprotunities the other might not have thought of, or been capable of, before this collison of egos.
It will not all be perfect, with smooth sailing. There will be some choppy waters. Supporters on both sides with choose. But ultimately it comes down to what's best for this new duo. These partners won't always agree, they may argue, but they will work it out, finding common ground that benefits both, bringing balance. The energy from both will surround & bind each other, bringing support. Extremism will accomplish little more than aggrivating both parties and will have no place in this shared venture.
You can wish, hope, pray for something better than the horrible mess that was before. Perseverance, patience, and not giving in to those dark sides of us, lurking to take over; that's what will pay off in the end. If you do not lack faith, you will be rewarded.
Although, the future is impossible to see, there is an improved, new hope.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

It’s the robo/zombie/alien/pandemic/cataclysm-pocalypse & I feel fine. …as long as I have my books!

We’ve all thought about it. Book lovers have made that imaginary list of which books they’d grab if all hell broke loose. But keep in mind that’s different than what you’d grab in a “normal” emergency, like say a fire. It’s completely different criteria. Have you noticed the last few years, right around 2000 C.E. to now, that there has been an overwhelming focus of end of the world scenarios in the global zeitgeist?  (Fun word, zeitgeist. Say it…with a slight German accent. See? Fun!!) Is it because on some collective unconscious level we all sense something will happen? Or is it just influence from pop culture and media? Who cares! Let’s hop on that apocalyptic locomotive, relax in the dining car with some Soylent Green and have fun. I mean…if you can’t laugh at the end of the world, at least a little bit, then what’s the point?
So, here are my top five books I’d take in the event the world as we know it ends. (note: must be books a person actually owns in paper form, no electronic stuff, it’s the apocalypse!)
The Dhammapada – This is the closest thing we Buddhists have to a bible. It collects a large amount of the Buddha’s own words in verse form, covering nearly all aspects of life. Now, I’m not presumptive to think I will use this to single-handedly help reclaim humanity from the darkness …etc….etc. No, this is primarily for me, to help me follow the principles of Buddhism in horrible times. If others happen to take something from it, then that’s all the better.

The Original Illustrated Sherlock Holmes – This hardcover collects all 37 Sherlock Holmes stories and The Hound of the Baskervilles , all as they appeared originally in the magazine The Strange, complete with illustrations by the great Sidney Paget.  If the end of the world hits, I want plenty of stories to keep me busy and this will do that very well. Also, Holmes stimulates my analytical & observant portions of my brain, which might be helpful. Finally, this book is very important to me because I LOVE Sherlock Holmes’ stories and this was a once in a lifetime find for me. I paid about $3 for it @ a used book store.

Bradbury Stories: 100 of His Most Celebrated Tales – Anyone who knows me would not be surprised by this at all. Well…maybe only about why I didn’t choose Fahrenheit 451. In the event of the apocalypse, I think having a copy of it might be too little too late. That book is a forewarning; it does no good after the fact. Besides I’d like to hope I could remember the story from memory. Anyway…this collection has nearly all of Bradbury’s greatest short stories. Again, there’s lots of entertainment/learning/escapism to be culled from this book, in one phone book sized volume

Les Misérables – As of right now, I have not read this book. So, assuming the apocalypse comes, maybe I’ll have the time to finally read it all. It’s one of the greatest stories ever told. It’s as easy as that. :)

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay  - This is a magnum opus, love letter to the golden age of comic books. There’s everything one could want in this tale of two Jewish immigrants creating comics & making it big, with; adventure, magicians/escape artists, romance, drama, war, tragedy & humor. I’d dare to say it’s a near perfect book. This would be a reminder of a more innocent, simpler time. It’s also a reminder of courage & strength when it pursuit of your dreams. It’s the story of America. I could easily read & re-read & read this again, never tiring of the true fictional legends behind our modern day mythology.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The top 5 of the top 5. Or...I want to be Rob Gordon when I grow up

So, let's have fun, shall we? I believe you can get a better understanding of a person by knowing what they like to do and what matters to them. Here are my top 5 top 5

Top 5 movies
1.       The Godfather/The Godfather, Part II
2.       Seven Samurai
3.       The Dark Knight
4.       The Princess Bride
5.       North By Northwest

Top 5 books
     1.       Fahrenheit 451
     2.       The Amazing Adventure of Kavalier & Clay
     3.       American Gods
     4.       The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
     5.       The Dhamapada

Top 5 Musicians
1.       The Beatles
2.       Miles Davis
3.       Johnny Cash
4.       Bob Dylan
5.       Buddy Guy
Top 5 TV shows
      1.       Doctor Who
      2.       The Shield
      3.       Battlestar Galactica
      4.       Farscape
      5.       The Venture Brothers
Top 5 most inspirational people
             1.       Thich Nhat Hahn
             2.       Nikola Tesla
             3.       Vincent van Gogh
             4.       John Walsh
             5.       Groucho Marx